I remember how hundreds (and I mean that literally) of people said “let me know if you need anything.” A bunch of those people sincerely, from the bottoms of their hearts, meant that. A big handful of those people are those I have considered angels in my life. There are people who I was friends with, but not super-duper close to, that just stepped up in a big way, showed up, and did everything they could to help. Strangers and casual acquaintances who sent money and cards, and who still to this day call now and then to check that we’re okay. People who have shown up, rain or shine, to support my kids in their activities when I am pretty sure they had stuff to get done in their own lives. Friends that are there for every important moment of my life, who show up early and stay late, to help us through. These are the people who are not here to “make an appearance” or check off an item on their “to-do” list, they are here for the long haul. And what a blessing it is to have these angels in my life. And what an even larger blessing it is to have the people who are truly here for me identified by their actions. There’s a saying that goes “The older I get, the less I listen to what people say and the more I look at what they do.”

No one ever knows what to say to someone when tragedy strikes. I’ve been on the “trying to say the right thing” side of things. It’s awkward. The last thing you want to do is say something to make that person burst into tears. Never in a million years would you want to be hurtful or do the wrong things. Trust me, we feel the elephant in the room too. I have tried really hard to be gracious. To be sensitive when someone doesn’t know how to act and set the tone of the conversation for them.

There have been times I have felt incredibly let down by people I wouldn’t have expected it from.  There are people who I considered close friends who barely speak to me now, and only if I make the effort. There are those who promised to do things and did not follow through. And there have been people that are close to me that have made zero effort to be there for me, and more importantly, the kids. I have learned that my expectations were often the problem here. I cannot expect people to know what I need and when I need it without asking. I cannot expect people to know that the most important thing you can do for someone who is desperately worried about her kids is to support those kids in everything they do. I cannot expect people to magically show up when I am feeling overwhelmed. I have learned to ask for help, even when it sucks.  I have learned to cut people a little bit of slack, and then be unbelievably, incredibly thankful for the angels in my life who go above and beyond to help me survive. I am lucky beyond the normal amount of luckiness. Hopefully when I say to someone “let me know if you need anything”, I will instead put my money where my mouth is and just show up to help them like so many did me. And I will continue to focus on the great things in my life rather than the disappointments.