I keep reading all these thankfulness posts on Facebook. I love them. It makes me so happy when people take a step back from day-to-day life and actually acknowledge the goodness in their lives. What I keep wanting to post is how thankful I am to have had life insurance. I never do, because I can’t think of a way to say it without sounding like a giant asshole. So here is my spot to say exactly what I think without fear (or at least too much fear) of being judged…..

I am every single minute of my life thankful for life insurance. The more I learn about other widowed people and connect with people online, the more I realize that I am in a very distinct minority. Most people, especially those my age, never got around to it. I have always fancied myself such a non-materialistic person that I find it odd to be this grateful for money. It is not the “stuff” we could theoretically have, though, that makes my life so much better. It is how much “easier” my life is and the stress it relieves. It is a temporary break from work to help get us on track. A bit of a “breather” before I have to figure out how to juggle single-parenthood with a career.

Losing Mike has been BY FAR the hardest thing I’ve even gone through. I am doing so much better, but I struggle every single day no matter how brave I act or how big of a smile I put on. There is no way to describe what a close relationship we had and how much I love that guy. My suffering without him ranges from sucky to excruciating, sometimes within a 5 minute period of time. But….I always have to think how much worse this would be if I had to juggle work, kids, house, etc. If I had been unable to move near our families for support. If I were unable to afford for my kids to be involved in their sports and activities. If we could not hop in the car and drive two states away to visit friends for Thanksgiving because we couldn’t afford it.

I will remain grateful always for the good decisions we made regarding finances. We weren’t always good financial decision-makers, but we (thanks to Dave Ramsey) really got our shit together. We worked incredibly hard to get out of debt and then to get our savings in line and to purchase life insurance. There were a few times when I thought Mike’s diligence to our finances was annoying. There were a few times I was not happy that he got up at 5am on a Saturday to work overtime. Or when we used almost my whole annual bonus to pay down our mortgage (BORING!). I will close every nighttime prayer by thanking Mike and thanking God for that final gift he gave me and the kids. No matter what kind of crappy moment I am having, it could be worse.