Maybe it’s a July 20 thing because based on Facebook, I apparently had a similar feeling last year on this date. Or maybe it’s that July, previously my favorite month of the year, sucks. In years past, I spent the month preparing myself for the National Holiday of Kristiemas. Now I have to suck it up every day, struggling to keep a smile on my face, trying to enjoy life, while battling this jerk we call “Grief.”
We are quickly approaching the 36 month mark – 7/29. Thirty six 29th’s I have had to endure. Three years that we have survived without Mike. Three years of making memories and watching our kids grow up. Three years of wishing he was here to enjoy life with us. 1,095 days of not seeing that gorgeous smile light up my life.
As we get ready to spend time in the place Mike spent his last week, all I can think about is this week three years ago. We went to our favorite spot in the mountains, exactly like we had for years, with no idea how much our lives would be forever changed. We spent a fun week with family and friends. Drew and Mike snuck off by themselves for an evening of fly fishing, just the two of them. Mike and I took a drive back to Emmett by ourselves. Mike and Emrie took a couple of 4 wheeler rides together. We hiked, got wood, and sat in the creek drinking beers. Mike and Drew went running (probably while I sat in a creek & drank more beers!!) It was a super week. On my birthday we had a delicious wild salmon dinner and relaxed. The next day, in the blink of an eye, it all changed.
I think back to the last 36 months and how horribly, excruciatingly awful some of those moments have been. And I also look back to the wonderful moments we have had and I am so PROUD of the three of us. We have done some really cool and brave things. We have faced our demons and made the choice, over and over, to live life. We have smiled and laughed and had tons of fun. And I am so honored to have the friends and family that we have. The ones who have stuck by us month after month and helped us through this. And the new ones that we have met that have welcomed us into this new, not-by-choice, but very much-loved life. For those of you who make this week a priority to be there for me and the kids….THANK YOU. It means more than anyone will ever know. We are happy, grateful, and always looking for the good in life. But not for a moment have we ever stopped missing this guy. Mike Osborn, you really should be here. Just like the Cole Swindell song says.
Please take some time this week and be a little bit Mike-like. Play with your kids, smile like there’s not a worry in the world, and love with all of your heart.
GRIEF IS A DIRTY BIOTCH 